Talk, talk, and more talk, right? That’s what we always hear when people mention what’s relevant regarding good communication skills. Sure, we’ve all heard about the importance of active listening skills. But, do we really heed the call about proactive behavior to dialogue with another person?
Without developing solid listening skills and ability, I’m afraid to say that people are really just talking and not making progress. In fact, good leaders are only destined to improve their skills and gain followers by becoming active listeners. Just look at the bedside manner of popular doctors. What about real estate agents who constantly get the top referrals? For some, you can’t discount the significance of getting “airtime” with a popular faith leader or coach.
Are you ready to take the big step into the wide world of active listening? Join me for a few minutes to explore a few key concepts.
First, active listening involves genuine concern for ideas expressed by another. The listener does not have to agree with what is being said. But, the listener should at least be interested in hearing out the other person. This means stopping and focusing on the speaker’s words, maintaining eye contact, and acknowledging that you have heard the sender’s message. M. Scott Peck once said that “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” This might include “I see” or “I understand.” It might be a nodding of the head or a hand gesture to reinforce that the speaker has been heard.
Second, successful active listeners ask clarifying questions. This includes fostering a greater understanding without passing judgment prematurely. In other words, a good listener will ask clarifying questions to get more information and a better understanding about the speaker’s intent. Specifically, this might mean paraphrasing what has been heard. For instance, “Is it my understanding that you are moving forward with this decision?” or “Would you repeat that again for me so I understand.” In turn, good leaders will ask clarifying questions regularly to ensure that the speaker and listener are on the same page.
Finally, a good listener will recap the intended message with the focus to find common ground and next steps. This includes recapping what has been heard. It might mean asking for repeat of factual information, for instance, or follow-up procedures and next steps. A good listener puts aside their own thoughts or comments to capture the speaker’s intent. That way, there can be common ground. At this point, the speaker and listener can engage one another through sharing-listening procedure.
Can you imagine if those who are dedicated to good communication skills also took time to really listen through sharing-listening strategies? In the words of Karl Menninger, “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
